She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
