yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
