that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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