i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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