He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
