I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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