Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
