my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
