My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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