i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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