it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
