So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
