You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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