Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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