then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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