He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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