i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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