Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
