The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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