He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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