if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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