My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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