i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Randomize
