no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
