and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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