best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
