ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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