made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
