I'm gonna have a badass scar
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Randomize