I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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