somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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