Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
