i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
