I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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