Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
