it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
