her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
