Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
