I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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