I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
