Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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