I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
