Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
