They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
third nipple confirmed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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