It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
