He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
