why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
