I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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