Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
