At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
