Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
