I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
