Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's how pantless uber rides happen
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize