gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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