i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
