I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
