Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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