everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize