i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize