dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we made out on top of his cat.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
