fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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