What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
