I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Terrible idea I love it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
