I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
