shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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